change

It is inevitable, sometimes anticipated, and usually uncomfortable.

Even when we desire it, yearn for it to come, it doesn’t always show up wrapped in a bow. In my experience, it shows up unexpectedly, with a list of requirements, and shifts my entire trajectory. The sacrifice and growing pains required to step into change used to be simple enough to ignore if I just focused on the task at hand. Hell, I think I even made it look graceful most of the time. But the self-imposed pressure I felt to show up and exceed any and all expectations was the perfect way out of doing any of the internal work needed to actually support myself through the process.

I am neck deep in change as I type this and I refuse to be disconnected from my own metamorphosis now. I want to feel all of it. The highs, lows and in betweens, all while allowing myself to just…be there. No expectations. I’m tired of always reaching for a future version of myself, whatever I think or hope she may look like, while ignoring the very real person I am tasked to take care of today.

Everyday won’t be a win, and I won’t always support myself in the best ways, but I will try my best. And that is enough.

The photo dump above includes a collection of ways, people, and places I’ve leaned on and been supported by during this last year a half. Grateful, happy, and sad all at the same time.